It's War

The ants. It's all about the ants now. We are so tired of those little monsters. We must be on top of the largest ant hill in California. They're on the iron while I'm ironing. They're in the linen closet. They're on couch doing God knows what. Before we even moved in they were all over Theron's shag carpet and we assumed they'd move on, but no. Theron leaves towels and blankets all over the floor to walk on like pavers on a garden path. He thinks the ants can't climb them. This poor kid hates bugs so much it's like every nightmare come true. He could write his own Goosebumps stories - Episode One: Who Left That Juice Box In My Room???!!!!
Sometimes they go away and Theron thinks he's safe in the bathtub, pitting Shrek against Spiderman, when the ants come out of the grout. We're hoping this will really teach him a lesson about keeping his room clean but it's a slooooow process. Today, Episode Two: Who Left Those Wrappers On My Bed???!!!
My assistant, Sophie, is the sweetest girl ever and she loves all creatures. She will tell you heart breaking stories about giant African millipedes. Last week at lunch Ozge said she was trying to scare ants off without killing them. Sophie said, "Just kill them, they're awful!" In my opinion if Sophie says kill them, they have to die. Ashley has laid out every over the counter poison available and this week they tried to kill him back. Monday morning Ashley went to take a shower and found a paper plate with pizza remains in the bathroom trash can crawling with ants (Episode Three: Wha????) He rushed it to the backyard, naked, and while running back he sliced open his big toe on the cement. I thought he needed stitches but he heals well.
I'm sad about what this has done to me. When I wash dishes I enjoy pouring hot water on them. I like to smash them and watch as they run for their lives. I think I'm going to come back and find they were scared off by all the many dead, but they keep doing what they were doing, looking for baloney or eggs. And then I feel even LESS sorry for them and the killing continues.
Oh well.
Next, on the list, pantry moths.